Le voyage

Many critical things have happened.

After leaving NZ in what was probably the most childish manner possible (brooding, with a bit of 'fuck it') I think I can safely say I have now 'Changed'. Of course I'm not quite done with adolescence yet, not for a little bit longer anyway, but I'm really starting to get a dose of Grown-up. There are the superficial things - My fear of dealing with administration and other powers-that-be swiftly vanished after realizing I was going to have to go through a lot of it in France. A lot of my income is no longer disposable. I have to actually work.

But there are other musings that have been taking place, and I've actually been acting upon them.

I guess one that I realized pretty quickly is that learning another language is not just a matter of swapping words in a swift translation. English has so much unnecessary vocabulary, for one thing, and while in French one word can mean ten things, in English it is the opposite. Language in itself definitely deserves to have it's own philosophy, it's own study. Because learning a language is deconstructing (I would say 'forgetting' but the process is a lot slower than that) how you see the world, all the sense you have attached to your language, and constructing a new mindset. The saying 'neccesity is the mother of invention' becomes really obvious. There are words in French that just have no translation, where in English we don't get so much the same problem after successfully reaching the furtherest side of the globe.

I'm realizing that I'm going to have to immerse myself in France completely. I'm getting bilingual books and actually reading the French section. Only watching French TV. I try to chat to my friends in French, etc. This actually requires an amazing amount of discipline for me, someone who tends to give up when the tough gets going. I stick to my comfort zones.

I'm breaking out of that habit though, and it's awesome. I'm applying for university in Paris (Sorry for people who didn't know, but my sejour in France is going to be a little more permanent than you might have believed) even though I know staying here in the cosy cradle of Provence would reap some familial benefits, as well as it's a lot cheaper. But living in Paris is the dream. And I'm totez gonna make it happen. I love the fact that I'm no longer wishing for my life to be awesome, it is awesome. I'm here, in France, after all the years of anticipation and planning. I've followed through with something pretty major for what may be the first time in my life.

Moving to the northern hemisphere in general has also made me so much more aware to social and political atrocities.I considered myself pretty 'in the know' back in the reasonably cosmopolitan capital. But damn, we are so much more sheltered (and of course lucky) in New Zealand. The World Wars hardly mattered to me, but I've driven past sites that have been war-torn, and I've heard stories about various older relatives receiving their first taste of chocolate from the Nazis (My grandmother doesn't like chocolate these days) and I guess I got a bit upset at myself for my past ignorance. I've made it one of my goals (along with my good friend Niamh) to go and help out in Africa in some way, which is an uber cliche, but it is an unavoidable truth that they need help. If I wasn't on the track to becoming a vegetarian before, I would be now. Not just a vegetarian, I want to source all my food locally. Which is so easy to do with the market culture they have here and I think it's a shame that, in a country where agriculture is the main export, farmer's markets aren't more popular. I'm going to try my best to conscientiously avoid oil as well, for political and environmental reasons.

I'm no longer comfortable with mindless inequality, the huge binge drinking culture I was a once gladly part of and reckless use of drugs. I guess a lot of that has stemmed from quite personal reasons over time, but I'm a lot more concrete in them now. I've also gone from agnostic to atheism, which I guess would be in following with the intolerance of inequality.

I feel very privileged to have been bought up in New Zealand, it's true. I'll always have kiwi roots. But we are so far away from everything globally. It's a huge strength (we are the least corrupt government after all) but also a weakness.

Apologies, these are really just things I've needed to get of my chest. And sort of a 'stream of consciousness' thing. I won't blame you if you don't read all the way through, but hey, congrats if you did.

This probably isn't full of the details you would like to know, but they are definitely the most important to me.

TOMMY ILL + 47 DIAMANTES - ARAMAGEDDON

Here is some local music from my neck of the woods

Antipodes

There is some beauty in this situation. Turning my life upside down in many senses of the word.

Crew screwing

Here's an excellent topic for a first post:
Don't screw the crew


An early lesson that my older sister constantly drilled into my head. Pretty self-explanatory really. Don't get involved (romantically) with anyone in your group of friends. I don't know why so many others haven't heard of this majestic saying. Easy to remember, spectacular results.
I say this because it seems where I come from there is an epidemic of crew screwing, and it only leads to tears. This is not even a recent epidemic, it has been absolutely chronic.


I once fell prey to a bit of crew screwing, let me tell you, it was not pretty. In fact, it still isn't. It started off as a pleasant enough friendship, we had many many mutual friends, common interests, stimulating conversation.
But then, like most crew screws start, we got drunk and made out.
I'm telling you now, if you are sensible you will stop in your tracks, haul yourself off your friend and stumble back (with as much dignity as possible) to wherever the bulk of interesting people are hanging out and continue engaging in lovely platonic activities.


I did not.


The relationship itself was pretty functional as far as relationships go. In fact, the only benefit of crew screwing I can think of is that you never have to worry about efficiently balancing your time with friends and partner. Other than my entire circle of friends (with a smattering of strangers) knowing everything about the more intimate parts of my life, I did not seem to be having a problem with crew screwing. I began to doubt the crew screwing rule. Of course, the ending was very messy.
He pulled the "I hope we can still be friends" line.
What do you do then?
Well, of course you have to accept. Your now ex-boyfriend is still a part of the crew.  You still want to spend time with your crew, don't you? And there is where crew screwing will always fail. Being forced to spend time with an ex is always a painful affair, I don't care what you say. At the very least, it's awkward. It doesn't allow for the healing time your bruised self-confidence so desperately needs. It is like constantly opening a fresh wound.
As if it wasn't painful enough, your ex will most likely continue the crew screwing cycle. Yes, they will move onto your other friends. Yes, you will have to grit your teeth and mask your jealous face from all you love. Soon you will become a blubbering hermit, too scared to show your heartbreak to the crew you were once so eager to be a part of.


To disboey this rule, is to enter a world of pain.
Remember the words
Don't screw the crew.