After leaving NZ in what was probably the most childish manner possible (brooding, with a bit of 'fuck it') I think I can safely say I have now 'Changed'. Of course I'm not quite done with adolescence yet, not for a little bit longer anyway, but I'm really starting to get a dose of Grown-up. There are the superficial things - My fear of dealing with administration and other powers-that-be swiftly vanished after realizing I was going to have to go through a lot of it in France. A lot of my income is no longer disposable. I have to actually work.
But there are other musings that have been taking place, and I've actually been acting upon them.
I guess one that I realized pretty quickly is that learning another language is not just a matter of swapping words in a swift translation. English has so much unnecessary vocabulary, for one thing, and while in French one word can mean ten things, in English it is the opposite. Language in itself definitely deserves to have it's own philosophy, it's own study. Because learning a language is deconstructing (I would say 'forgetting' but the process is a lot slower than that) how you see the world, all the sense you have attached to your language, and constructing a new mindset. The saying 'neccesity is the mother of invention' becomes really obvious. There are words in French that just have no translation, where in English we don't get so much the same problem after successfully reaching the furtherest side of the globe.
I'm realizing that I'm going to have to immerse myself in France completely. I'm getting bilingual books and actually reading the French section. Only watching French TV. I try to chat to my friends in French, etc. This actually requires an amazing amount of discipline for me, someone who tends to give up when the tough gets going. I stick to my comfort zones.
I'm breaking out of that habit though, and it's awesome. I'm applying for university in Paris (Sorry for people who didn't know, but my sejour in France is going to be a little more permanent than you might have believed) even though I know staying here in the cosy cradle of Provence would reap some familial benefits, as well as it's a lot cheaper. But living in Paris is the dream. And I'm totez gonna make it happen. I love the fact that I'm no longer wishing for my life to be awesome, it is awesome. I'm here, in France, after all the years of anticipation and planning. I've followed through with something pretty major for what may be the first time in my life.
Moving to the northern hemisphere in general has also made me so much more aware to social and political atrocities.I considered myself pretty 'in the know' back in the reasonably cosmopolitan capital. But damn, we are so much more sheltered (and of course lucky) in New Zealand. The World Wars hardly mattered to me, but I've driven past sites that have been war-torn, and I've heard stories about various older relatives receiving their first taste of chocolate from the Nazis (My grandmother doesn't like chocolate these days) and I guess I got a bit upset at myself for my past ignorance. I've made it one of my goals (along with my good friend Niamh) to go and help out in Africa in some way, which is an uber cliche, but it is an unavoidable truth that they need help. If I wasn't on the track to becoming a vegetarian before, I would be now. Not just a vegetarian, I want to source all my food locally. Which is so easy to do with the market culture they have here and I think it's a shame that, in a country where agriculture is the main export, farmer's markets aren't more popular. I'm going to try my best to conscientiously avoid oil as well, for political and environmental reasons.
I'm no longer comfortable with mindless inequality, the huge binge drinking culture I was a once gladly part of and reckless use of drugs. I guess a lot of that has stemmed from quite personal reasons over time, but I'm a lot more concrete in them now. I've also gone from agnostic to atheism, which I guess would be in following with the intolerance of inequality.
I feel very privileged to have been bought up in New Zealand, it's true. I'll always have kiwi roots. But we are so far away from everything globally. It's a huge strength (we are the least corrupt government after all) but also a weakness.
Apologies, these are really just things I've needed to get of my chest. And sort of a 'stream of consciousness' thing. I won't blame you if you don't read all the way through, but hey, congrats if you did.
This probably isn't full of the details you would like to know, but they are definitely the most important to me.
